let me count the ways...

(to Mike on his fortieth birthday)
You strive for improvement. You love me as much without makeup as with. You help Sam create and make him feel that his ideas are possible. You make house calls to coworkers in their times of joy or sorrow. You are quick to extol the virtues in others. You don’t watch people suffer from a distance; you find out what you can do to help. You love my cooking. You compliment me and make me feel beautiful. You listen without judgment to my insecurities. You compliment my parenting. You go to Sydney’s class when she invites you. You ask my advice. You give me advice but trust me to make my own decisions. You honor my strengths and talents. You seem oblivious to my shortcomings. You support Berkeley and make him feel like a superstar. You are a good son; you take a legacy from your upbringing and make it real and important to your own children. You accept all of our children as they are. You make goals and then make them realities. You are up for anything—from cross-country skiing to laser tag—you’ll do it if I suggest it. You take your family camping in the summer and skiing in the winter and you keep us outfitted for all manner of recreation. You are smart. You are funny. You want to do what’s right. You do what’s right. You understand me. You trust me. You take an interest in my interests and treat me like an authority on those things. You make me feel like I am better than I am. You love your friends but prefer your family. You adore your children. You honor the priesthood and love God above all else. You are a patient teacher. You pray for people. You celebrate the accomplishments of others. You do not get jealous of anyone for any reason. You keep your mind and body clean and pure. You work out. You enjoy doing hard things.

That’s how I love thee…

“…to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight.
….I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.”
—Elizabeth Barrett Browning

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

attention Austen fans

Good news: If you missed the premier of the first installment of the new PBS Emma, you can get caught up at the website this very minute. In the little prelude we hear Austen's own introduction to the character of Emma, "a heroine whom no-one but myself will much like."

I love it and can't wait for next Sunday night! The chemistry between the two leads is palpable, but I do think Knightly is too young and gorgeous. He makes up for it with stern disdain for Emma, which almost masks his affection for her. Romola Garai is excellent as Emma: beautiful, confident, annoying and naive. Miss Bates is maybe my favorite--you really feel the story behind her nervous nature.

Anyway, if you are a fan, watch it and come back here to let me know what you think.

awkward

So, you may think you're getting a glimpse at some of my multiple personalities. Not so.

I maintain blogs for two missionaries, who are siblings. I now have accidentally posted one post from each of them on my own blog. These are real people and not just a figment of my imagination.

Mackenzie is serving in Taiwan, and Brad is serving in the Dominican Republic (a little country that shares an island with Haiti). They both come home this summer.

If I ever do develop multiple personalities, I can only hope they are as amazing as this brother and sister duo. I have enough trouble maintaining just the one personality, though, so I'd best stick with that.

happy place

I want to show you a picture of each member of the family in his or her respective happy place in Mexico. Starting with me, enjoying that impossible blue of the Caribbean.

Sam, always happy when scouting out a good deal, like this Chichenitza hat.Maia, who could usually be found in or near the hot tub, with a mango smoothie in her hand.


Mike, who craves adventure, is in his happy place mid-air. He is jumping into a cenote, or sink hole.

Sydney set down Harry Potter VII only to eat. Pictured here with her personal highlight, a fruit cocktail with lime sorbet.

Berkeley was happiest exploring and soaking up the history of the region. But he sure didn't mind relaxing in the sun as well.

We each found a happy place in Mexico, but we're happy to be home. Kind of.

I'll post more about it later.
Hope you are all enjoying winter break as much as we are!

apple fritter pancake

The other day I woke to the delicate chimes of a silver christmas bell outside my door. There was no school, so naturally the kids woke early and I slept late. Sam stood holding the tantalizing creation you see above. Just for me! Invented by him!

I had him make another one so I could document the steps.

#1 peel and thinly slice apples.

#2 make your favorite pancake batter from scratch,
except substitute EGG NOG for milk

#3 place a layer of apples on a hot pan

#4 pour on a layer of egg nog batter

#5 top with another layer of apples

#6 cover for a few minutes

#7 flip carefully and cook through

Serve with cinnamon sugar, powdered sugar, and freezer raspberry jam.

Way to spread some Christmas cheer, Sam!

that's just not natural

I am laying in bed sick today, catching up on "The Week," a favorite news magazine. They have a little piece on how monogamy is not really a natural part of our human makeup. Apparently, we aren't programmed to want to be with the same person day after day, week after week. Well, good job science, but I think that theory has been around for years.

The great part of the little article though, is the point that there are lots of things that feel natural that are not good for you, like eating bacon and smoking pot. And lots of things that are intensely difficult, like running a marathon, or staying married, that can only happen when we master our natural inclinations, subdue our natural self and commit. I am thankful for parents who have stuck it out, and now reap the benefits of loving companionship in their golden years. And I'm thankful for a husband who loves me after 17 years, even though it's not natural.

good mother or big brother?

Social networking has so many advantages for teenage kids. So do email and texting. I resisted letting these things into my son's life, but I quickly became a believer. For a kid who is inclined to crawl into his shell, getting texts and being "tagged" can work magic. It helps him feel included, helps him create his own identity, and gives him confidence navigating social situations.

Kids are less likely to get left out when it's so easy to contact everyone. Say a group is spontaneously going to walk home from school and stop for ice cream instead of riding the bus. It's so easy to text lots of people, including moms, to set the plan in motion. And it feels great not only to be included, but to have that means of independence.

Kids also get the chance to express themselves through their online identity. Berkeley found a dictionary definition of the word "pieless" (in our OED, of course) and used it as his profile picture for months. Not everyone gets his sense of humor, but he doesn't care. It feels safe to express it in that way whether people get it or not.

My favorite aspect of these modern innovations is the social practice they provide. Too young too date, but suddenly interested in friendships with the opposite sex, social networking, email and texting give "safe" ways to communicate comfortably, which will hopefully translate to confidence later on, face-to-face.

However, even though I see so many advantages for my son, I know that at that age, if I could have had access to such means it would have just added fuel to the fire. I was already somewhat inclined to inappropriate behavior for my age. I felt plenty included, I had buckets of identity, and I certainly didn't need "practice" being social. I would have needed serious limits with social networking, email and phone use.

So my question is this: how much should parents monitor these outlets? Sometimes I feel guilty peeking in on his private conversations, but I also feel like I have to. It's my job...right? After all, he might need help dealing with girls like...me. And where do you draw the line as a parent with things the kids are chatting about? Do you make your child delete friends for online bullying of other kids? Using the F-word? Anyone willing to share?

the lighting of a fire

This is dedicated to Sweet Polly Purebred, whose recent post about women and education really got me thinking.

She asks, What part of your post-high school education do you use on a daily basis?

The question intrigues me so much because I find it's impossible to separate what I learned in the classroom from who I became. For me, those were still formative years, so I'm glad I was in school. I can't imagine a better environment for someone still coming into her own.

I was a late bloomer, academically. I went into college a major goof-off, skating into my school of choice with barely passable grades and ACT scores. I spent as little time as I could studying and even less in class. I left papers and projects to the last minute, and had several close scrapes, including once missing a final and another time falling asleep during one. I chose my major late in the game, after taking whatever classes sounded good for two years. I realized I had more credits in English than anything else, so I declared it my major and started filling out the rest of my semesters more systematically. In short, it's a miracle I graduated with a relatively high GPA and with professors urging me to stay for graduate school.

By that point I was married and pregnant. I was much more engaged in my coursework, but I wasn't concerned about having a career. All I wanted out of life was growing inside me. Then after the baby came I realized that as much as he was the center of my universe, he didn't need me 24/7. I am not saying that all women should feel this way. I'm talking about this particular child and this particular mom. We were up for much more. And it was so convenient. I was there, living just off campus, still visiting professors and still very much living the student life. Mike decided to stay for graduate school so it was an easy decision to throw an application together and start a masters degree. That's when I really began to work. During the next two years I threw myself into the culture of academia, taught freshman English classes, and received only one cursed A- to mar my perfect GPA. At the same time I was a mom, a singer in a band, and an active member of my ward.

Those two years were both stressful and invigorating. I pushed myself to my limits and learned, ultimately, that I couldn't have it all but I could come pretty close. The awareness of my own ability was by far the most important outcome of my college experience. Knowing I could perform so well became a part of my core identity. And that's the part of my education I use every day. It's not what I "learned" in the classroom, but the path of learning that changed me. As William Butler Yeats says, "Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire."

did that really just happen?

I tell you, nobody has the power to make or break my day like this kid. Here's what was said:

Berkeley: "Nice sunglasses."

Me: "Oh, yeah. Sorry. I think these are yours."

Berkeley: "I know. They look good on you."

Just took a few seconds to turn my whole day around! Lately I've felt that this stage of parenting rocks! Although I don't think I'll press my luck by borrowing any clothes.

Anybody else have good teenager moments to share?

millions of peaches...part two

For all the space-age housewives out there, you know you're not supposed to put a canner on a glass-top stove. We've been canning outside for years using a camp stove. It's slightly inconvenient to carry the jars out from the kitchen, but a major upside to canning outside?
Your house doesn't get hot.

And you still get this:

After a couple of batches, all I had left was this many peaches.
Not enough for another batch.

But after Mike read my last post, he made this!
Peach n' blueberry crisp for me!!!

millions of peaches...peaches for me?

I picked peaches this morning. Lots of luscious, ripe peaches. The only problem with picking peaches is that they are so stinking easy to pick, you get more than you need in all of five minutes. Then you get them home and realize you have to do something with them. I'm going to can in the morning, but to whittle down the canning job I thought we should eat as many as possible.

So I made a big beautiful crisp! First, I started by eating a very tiny bit of dinner, to be sure to leave lots of room for crisp. Then took out the largest pan I have and filled it with peach slices. I had visions of crisp for dessert and breakfast. So why not go overboard? I sprinkled in some blueberries for color, and topped it with a delectable crumbly topping. Is there a more heavenly combination than butter and brown sugar? I was preoccupied with the aroma all during our family night. Then I dished it up for everyone, realized my watch had stopped and I was late to an SAT prep class I had to teach. I ran out the door thinking how much better the crisp would taste with the kids in bed. I thought about it for the whole two hours I was gone.

In the meantime, my family succeeded (and it can't have been easy) in polishing off the entire thing. Now I have the lingering aroma, a dirty pan soaking in dishwater, and a bowl of cheerios for my treat. I didn't get a single bite.

touching base

Have I been checking blogs this summer? Not very frequently. So I have low expectations of anyone checking mine. But if you are here, please say "hi" to me! Here are some pictures of our crazy times.

The summer began with a mother-son trip to Lincoln City with great friends. We were fortunate enough to enjoy historically low tides, as you will see.

(low tide)

Boys will be boys, and boys will build fires.

Next trip? Fort Stevens.

Camping...well, yurting.

Mike and Berkeley start out for part one of their summer adventure:The rest of us were the support crew, picking them up in Tillamook
later in the day.
Next adventure? Family reunion!

WOW! The gang's all here at the 2009 reunion.
All my siblings, their kids, even a great-grandchild, and another on the way!

New, ultra-safe platform for the zipline. Takes some of the fun out of it, because now you don't have to perch precariously on a tree branch. Ha ha ha. But on the upside, the little kids can board it without help. (Or is that a downside?) Yes, that's Mike's ultra-white belly.

Esther's frog.

Sam's snake.

...they all fall down.
Cousins worked hard making flower clips between trips to the pond.

(POST-REUNION)
Emily, the Independence-day birthday girl, with Maia, her cheerleader for the day

Berkeley on stilts and Sam on his unicycle for the annual 4th of July parade
(down a quiet culdesac)
While cousin Gideon and Maia ride the easy way.

Above you see some of Mike's fancy camera work. He and Berkeley are riding the entire Oregon coast this summer; after two installments, they are about half done.

We also had a lovely visit from Mike's parents and a trip to see his side of the family in Washington. But I guess we were burnt out on picture-taking.

This week? Nothing, thank goodness!

how to make an ice cream cake, by Sydney

First, bake a cake in 2 nine inch round pans.
Pop them out of the pans (you greased them well, right?)
Eat one. Freeze the other, loosely wrapped in wax paper.

Put cake on your desired cake plate and
tuck scraps of wax paper under the edges.
Put it back in the freezer.

Line a cake pan with saran wrap and fill with softened ice cream.
It takes almost a whole box of icecream to fill the pan.
Press it down to fill in the edges. Freeze until hard.

Pop the molded icecream out using the saran wrap edges.
Press it on top of the cake. Put it back in the freezer.

Scoop vanilla (or chocolate) ice cream into a bowl. (Less than a quart)

Stir until it is smooth. Add food coloring if desired.

Hurry! Frost quickly.

Quick, it's melting! Put it back in the freezer.
Put some of the "frosting" back in the freezer too, for touch ups.

Make some nachos to kill time.Remove wax paper. Decorate (with actual frosting)!
Quickly.
You may need to refreeze it during this process
to keep the icing from sliding off the cake.
Keep frozen.

Put on one of dad's outfits and see how many kids can fit in with you.

Let cake sit out 5 minutes before serving.

Pile on dad!

HAPPy FaTHER'S dAY!

P.S. what did you do for your daddy?

phase of life

As this year of preschool comes to a close I can't believe how little I've accomplished on my to-do list for the year. I wanted to go through all the closets, the attic, the office, and get organized. I also wanted to get scrapbooks up to date. Now I have one more week, and nothing much to show for the year behind me. I did make long-overdue baby books for Sam and Syd, and my bedroom closet is pretty well sorted. My problem is that I have a hard time buckling down and doing loose, open-ended projects. I also have yet to get used to hanging around a quiet, empty house. I'm better at going to the gym, grocery shopping, and volunteering in the school. Bite-sized, on-the-go tasks.

I've been in a bit of an identity crisis. It's hard to explain. We heard that our elementary school might go to all-day kindergarten next year (Maia's first year at school!) and I felt thrown for a loop. It would mean I would have to face my future a year earlier than I thought--to figure out what I should be doing with that time. Believe me, I am not really disillusioned with a mirage of tons of free time. I know I'll still need to accomplish all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping--and I'm barely keeping up as it is. I'll just be doing all those things without my little Maia running circles around me, like a cyclone. It will be a bitter-sweet change.

The crisis is in the feeling that maybe I should be doing something more. I always thought I would have a plan in place before I got to this phase of life. A passion that had been waiting in the wings, finally able to have a turn. Songs to write and record, a PhD program to start, art classes to take, community college classes to teach. Something. But I haven't felt strongly about anything. I feel uninspired. I know I have talents I could cultivate, but why don't I feel a strong sense of direction?

Maybe I just need time to get my bearings. Anyone out there have a plan for this particular transition? Or been through it and survived, self-actualized and enriched?

happy birthday to me

I'm notorious for stretching my birthday out as long as possible. But just when I thought it was really over (two days after the fact, in fact), I came home to find my lawn covered with balloons, staked into the ground with lollipops. Thanks to all my loving friends and family for making me feel loved!

What a weekend. First, dinner with my parents. Then they babysat while Berkeley treated Mike and me to the next, next generation of Star Trek. Which I recommend with all my heart. Intelligent twists. Romance. Humor. This movie really delivers.


Then off to my sister's house in Bend. She knows me very well: tacos, banana cream pie, strawberry pie, a late night trip to Cold Stone to harass my niece at work.


Here we are, hiking in a lava tube, deep under the earth.

And an amazing new adventure. I feel bad blogging about it, because Sheryl should blog about her new toys herself. So I won't say much. But I'll just throw in a picture of myself, still hip and happenin' at 37:

Thanks, everyone! For the t-shirts, the earrings, the cookies, the balloons, the hanging basket, the saltwater taffy, the phone calls, the book, the pies, the cards, the kindness!

I really do feel loved. (By the way, this is your thank you card.)

good for nothin'

Did you ever take any pass/fail courses in college? There was a required Health class at BYU you could test out of on a pass/fail basis. I remember I was too cheap to buy the text book, so I went to the bookstore and sat there for quite awhile reading through it, then I headed straight to the test center to take the test. When I passed I remember wondering how much of a margin I had, in other words, how much time had I wasted learning things I didn't need to know. The concept of learning for the sake of learning was so far beyond my scope of understanding as an undergrad. Which is why I took any short cut I could ethically take to still get good grades. And which is why instead of attending free lectures and the international cinema, I was more often playing guitar or watching the Simpsons.

***

Maia and Sydney have been a distraction at cub scout pack meetings lately. Let's just say they are overly exuberant in their role as spectators. On our way to last night's pack meeting I told them IF and when refreshments were announced, they were both to look at me, and I would either nod my head yes, meaning they had been good and could each take ONE of whatever was offered, or I would shake my head no, meaning their behavior had been unacceptable. They both solemnly agreed. Sydney sweetly promised, "we'll just take ONE, ... IF they even have treats." Long pause and Maia asks Syd, "but what if we're good for nothing?"

Don't worry, they were good. They each got their cookie. But I am wondering, when will they be good for nothing?

tiny dancers

I know there is an unwritten rule that you are not supposed to compare your children (maybe it's even written--I should read more parenting books). But still I marvel at how different they can be, and yet how harmoniously they get along. My girls, for example, play off of each others' traits, and each shines in her own way. I just hope each feels fabulous about who she is.

Be patient with me. I adore these little dancers so I had to put some pictures and video up. Maia and Syd are in different classes but they have a lot of the same songs/costumes. Grandma and Grandpa will appreciate how well Sydney smiles and keeps up in the dances, because they got to see the sleepy version at dress rehearsal, when Syd was in a benadryl-induced stupor. She often comes across as shy and tentative, so I wasn't sure myself if she would get into dancing. It's so good for her! It makes her put herself out there. Maia, on the other hand...well, she's Maia. She bounced and skipped through the lullaby song.









First video, Syd is more or less in the center, pink skirt. Next video, she is in the green bandanna and green sash. Bottom video, Maia is the one racing around during the lullaby, "Baby Mine."